The Strength Within: Youth of The Ummah

Bismillahi Ar-Rahmani Ar-Raheem

Alhamdulillah, this New Year's weekend, we were able to invest our time in a very beneficial vacation. We drove to Sacramento for a conference and the theme was the title you see above. The Youth of our Ummah is our kids. As parents, one can never read or learn enough about parenting, its challenges, responsibilities, how one should tackle problems, what are the problems of today etc....A parent is always yearning to hear new techniques, methods and tips subhanAllah...And this is because of many reasons:

1. You love your kids to death. You want the best for them always. You want the best for them in this duniya, and if you yourself firmly believe in the aakhirah and its eternity, you want the best for them in the aakhirah too.

2. A muslim parent think of this blessing (the blessing of having a child to invest into) as a trust from Allah. And as with anything that has been entrusted, you want to make sure you keep it safe, protect it from external harm.

3. Having a righteous child who will make dua for you, is one of the three things mentioned in the hadeeth An-Nabiyyu Sallallahu alaihiwassalam, that the reward of which will continue to culminate. I see it as a kind of selfishness on the parent's part for wanting to have a righteous child- the greed for continuous reward.

Some pointers on how we can do our best in ensuring our kids will be on the straight path- the path that Allah wants us to tread on:

1. Proper Communication with them:

Usually, when we talk about good communication skills, we think of the best manner to convey your message, having eye contact while you speak, using the language that is easy to understand. Well, you do not have proper communication skills even if you master the art of speech till you have also mastered the art of listening. Being a good listener needs much more training than being a good speaker. And some of the elements needed are lot of patience, a sincere interest in the other person and controlling your inner force that tells you "You have to make your point". As Sheikh Yasser Fazzaqa (Hafidhahullah) said, the person is more important than the point.

Listen to your child. Only through listening will you know your child. If we do not listen to them whne they are really young, you will not be able to hear them as they enter their teens. Its going to be too late and will leave you to fret over "I cannot understand my 15 year old." Your child must be given the freedom of conveying her feelings, emotions and discussing everything that happens in his/her life.

Also, to bring them up to be a listener of what you, as a parent, say to them, you have to teach them to listen. And the only way to teach them that is by practising it yourself inshAllah.

2. Mutual respect:

Well, the goal is for them to respect you since you are the parent. But again, the best way to teach how to respect is by respecting them (and hence, the mutual respect). Respect their feelings, their visions; let them have a say in family matters especially if it is concerning them. Give them a choice, allow them to choose from within their limits.

There is one aspect of respect which can become fear of the parent. This is dangerous, and it can lead them to become liers and hypocrites. This is a scary line for myself to draw. But if parents could always remember not to be imposing or dictating, it could help inshAllah. "Because I said so" should not be the reason for their obedience. Rather there is a higher ultimate reason- it is not good for you, Allah loves for you to do that/avoid that and Allah's Magnificient promise of reward.

3. You are what your friends are:

Man, in general, is impressionable- let alone kids. We get influenced by the people we hang out with. And we always want to belong to a niche. A group where we feel comfortable and cozy at. Especially for our young ones, they sometimes feel more at home- not at home, but with their peer group. They have a lot in common. With this in mind, we need to:

a. Be a friend for them.

Lower yourself to them, where they feel comfortable establishing a friendship with you (ofcourse while being a matured parent too) Try to be in their shoes.

b. Make sure you connect them with kids whose parents share your values too.

c. Just like how "Home Sweet Home", let "Masjid Sweet Masjid" be too- because thats where they meet nice people.

Let trips to the Masjid be a way to reward your children when they have behaved well. There are many reasons for this to be a rewarding experience: Khalas and Ammus say "MashAllah, you look cute/ you are so good" etc. The Imam/ Sheikh/random people giving the child candies, lollipops (which I am starting to have a problem with). Alhamdulillah, our masjid has a nice cafeteria, a playground and it would be nice for all community builders to have structures like these built in the Islamic Center/ adjoining the masjid. (Youth rooms where they can chill, relax, read, hang out with halal friends, maybe play some halal video games etc. is another luring attraction for the youth)

Dont decide on one fine day that you need to take your child to the masjid because lately he/she is not being good, and so he needs some discipline, and so "Baba is taking you to masjid". This would sound like a punishment.

Masjid should be a frequent thing if not everyday.

Masjid should not be a rare thing like Sunday school.

4. And Sunday school is not what our beautiful deen is:

There are these 2 kids I love a lot (and my heart goes out to them). I pray that Allah increases them in their knowledge and deen, and make them a positive influence for their families and their community. So they go for Sunday school and they experience the beauty and purity of our Deen alhamdulillah. They love what they learn there. They love to try out and practise what they learn there. It makes them feel good about themselves, they feel happy when they think about pleasing Allah.

At home, its different. SubhanAllah! Their parents mashAllah give a lot of consideration in providing them with the best provisions, enrolling them in programmes that will develope their personality and can be added to their list of achievements for this Dunya. But when it comes to Deen, its a "Sunday school" thing.

Islam is too beautiful and perfect to implement only when needed. Islam is a complete way of life. Islam is the way that will beautify one's aakhirah too.

5. Which made me remember: Avoid contradictions- between what they are taught and they see in their role models- The Parents

When they see contradictions, they reduce deen to a text book science. It even promotes a hypocritic nature.

For example: They are taught the importance of Salah. And they notice the parents go to sleep before praying Isha.

6. Educate them about the challenges they will face according to their age.

Exposing them to the challenge is a risky way to teach, in my opinion. But if they are not exposed, they won't know. Or they will come to know from the very same people we do not want to hear from/ learn from. So we need to educate them in the best possible manner according to their age.

For example: Drug Abuse and addiction is fast spreading to very young kids, even to 8 year olds. So, dont hesitate to educate them about it.

Talk to them about Gender Relations, Alcohol, Music- their bad effects and how Allah has made harmful things haram for us.

Educate them that Allah wants only good for us, and He wants to protect us from harm, and that is why Islam has rules, obligations and laws which we need to follow for safguarding ourselves.

These are just some points I wanted to talk about, but in conclusion we should also remember that Allah Azza Wajal commanded us to save ourselves first and then He Subhanahu Wa ta'ala mentioned our families:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا

"Oh you who has believed, protect yourself and your families from the Fire". (Surah At-Tahreem: 6)

So, nurturing first should start at the individual level, then the kids. On the Day of Qiyamah, we will stand alone, each accountable for what he/she has done. No matter how righteous our child would have grown upto be, it will not avail us if we are not practising righteousness ourselves.

May Allah accept our dua, and a'mal what we do for His Sake. May He make us and our children among the swaliheen, shuhada', anbiya' and give us th best companionship in Jannathul Firdaws....aameen

Wa aakhir da'wana anil hamdu lillahi rabbil 'aalameen.

Mercy at home= positive environment= good tarbiyah

Our Lord is The Most Merciful, and Our Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam was the most merciful person to his people, especially to his family. And so this is the accepted Sunnah from each one of us, as Muslims. Mercy is the essence of Islam. We should be Merciful and kind to our children. Just as Charity starts at home, so does Mercy. What is the point when we are kind, loving and show compassion to people outside home, and we do not make it a policy at home upon which many other family values depend upon!

A'isha Radhiyallahu anha reported that Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam said: Allah is kind and gentle. He loves kindness in all affairs. (Bukhari, Muslim and many others)

She also narrated: Kindness is not found in anything, but it add beauty to it, and if it is withdrawn from anything, it defects it. (Albaani)

It was narrated that Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam said: Alah will not have mercy on one who does not have mercy on others". (Muslim)

We should be merciful not only to our kids, the husband and wife should also show Mercy to each other from which the children can reflect upon. They should not detect a least bit of harshness in their parents' relationship.

The popular hadeeth of Our Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam: The best among you is the one who is best with his family, and among you, I am the best to my family. (Albaani).

This does not mean that we cannot be firm with them. Parents can maintain firmness and mercy while implementing "tarbiyah" (Islamic nurturing) with their kids. The husband and wife should do shu'raa (consultation with each other) to decide what is best for the children, and not fight about it in front of them. They should help each other in the running of the home. The tarbiyah of the kids, the house chores etc. should be shared between both the parents. All these things reflect Mercy, and helps in being content at the end of the day. It lessens the stress that the mother would have to go through alone. At the same time, the wife (mother) shouldn't take advantage of this and leave everything to her husband.

As parents, we cannot rely on the fact that we are loving them through our actions, and so the kids will know that we love them. There should be verbal and physical affection and love towards them. Hug them, pamper them, pat them, kiss them, greet them lovingly with "Assalamu Alaikum" even if they are no more babies or toddlers. We should be nice to them, the way we are to the other kids who we meet once in a while. Our own kids are more deserving of that kind of affection.

A parent should be a friend, a playmate, an advisor, a comforter, a child, a sibling, a teacher etc. We should not feel shy or reluctant to put ourselves in these shoes. Our children should always feel comfortable to be with us, and disclose their feelings to us. When kids come and tell us they did something wrong, we should appreciate them for sharing it with us, before we reprimand them, scold or advise them. This will encourage honesty. We should always remember that we were also in their places not long ago. If we believe that as our parents, we can control them without Mercy, then we are wrong. All human beings, adults or kids are prone to making mistakes once in a while. Who shouts at us when we make mistakes? Who is there to make a big fuss when we break a cup or a glass of milk spills from our hands? No child will do these things on purpose. We should just warn them to be careful about such accidents, and get them to help in cleaning up after a mess.

Jaabir Ibn Abdullah Radhiyallahu anh narrated that he heard the Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam as saying: The one who is deprived of leniency is deprived of all good". (Muslim)

Ibn Abbas Radhiyallahu anh reported as having The Prophet say to Ashaj Abdul Qais: You possess two qualities that Alah loves. These are forbearance and leniency. (Muslim)

When family talk is going on, make each member of the family, from the eldest to the youngest, feel important. Give a chance to everyone to have a say. Address them with beautiful names always. This is a way to show respect even to one's own kids, and hence, they will learn to be respectful to us, in return inshAllah. The Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalm, even when he gave advices, would address them lovingly. When Jaabir Radhiyallahu anh was young and Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalm was teaching him the proper manners of eating, he said, "Ya bunayy (oh my dear son), mention Allah's name, eat with your right hand and eat from the closest part of the dish to you". And this is also like how Luqman Al-Hakeem advised his son, by using the phrase "Ya bunayy" (Surah Luqmaan: 13)

It is natural to get angry, after all, we are human and have emotions, and anger is an emotion that is a weapon for shaytan. Our Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalm gave us tips on how to control anger.

Narrated by Abu Dharr Radhiyallahu anh: Allah's Messenger said, "When one of you becomes angry while standing he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down." (Ahmed, Tirmidhi) There are other remedies too that Rasoolullah taught us: drink water, perform Wudu(ablution) and most importantly, seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan (A'oodhu billahi mina shaytani rajeem).

With the infinite sources of stress factors today, sometimes we tend to ignore the feelings of our little ones with the little hearts. We become so oblivious to their emotions, and this in turn, causes a drift between us and them. In order to avoid that, the mother who stays home to take care of her kids, should give herself "Time-out"s and just relax herself with the remembrance of Allah (Tasbeeh, listening to Qur'an etc). The mother should take care of her health and be given time to take care of herself. She should not obsess herself with the task of feeding her children alone, and eating herself only after her kids eat, instead she should also eat nutritious food and take plenty of fluids. We should try to be in a state of wudu at all times, as wudu helps to relax our nerves. The father who goes out to work (or even mothers) should relax himself before entering his house. He might have had a stressful day, but that is not a justification in behaving angrily and clumsily with his children. The kids wait all day to meet their parents with high expectations. So once the father parks his car, he should relax by saying some tasbeeh, listening to Qur'an, drinking some water and then entering his home with a smile and hugs and kisses to give his children.

All this being said and reflected upon, it is still difficult at times to maintain our cool and for this, I came up with a "Mercy Chart". Mark on it each time you get angry. One can design his/her own chart according to one's weaknesses. InshAllah, this will help you. It helped me, and nowadays, I do not even use it.

May Allah SWT guide us to give the best Islamic environment possible and develop a good atmosphere at home inshAllah. And I pray that Allah blesses my parents and show them mercy always, and guide them always. Alhamdulillah, I am what I am today because of them. Shukr Allah.....

Finding alternative recreation for our children

Today, most of us live in a mixed community of all kinds of people. Our kids are exposed to the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, The Islamic and the Non-Islamic. Especially for Muslim parents living in the west, it has become a big challenge in raising children, and as parents, we are constantly worried about where to draw the limits. (Oh well, it is a challenge everywhere, because unfortunately, the western culture is spreading to the East too- so it cannot be called "Western" anymore- because certain kinds of people pride themselves in aping the West.)

We cannot always keep saying "NO" to our kids, as that won't satisfy their curious minds and hence, they will become rebellious. They need explanations, and if they are too young for that, then they need alternatives.

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik Radhiyallahu anh said: "During the Jaahiliyyah, the people had two days each year when they would play. When the Prophet Sallallahualihiwassalam came to Madeenah he said, 'You had two days on which you would play, but Allah has given you something better than them: the day of al-Fitr and the day of al-Adha." (Narrated by Abu Dawood, An-Nasaa'i- Classified as Sahih by Sheikh Albaani)

From this hadeeth, we see that the sunnah of Allah SWT and His Prophet was to give a suitable alternative for recreation rather than simply laying down a prohibition. We should apply this technique with our kids as much as we can. This will help us in raising happier children, who will be proud to be Muslims, inshAllahu tha'ala.

Some points I can think of:

- Television and the Internet, is perhaps the biggest fitnah today for ourselves and our kids. The eyes of the one who watches it, be it a kid or an adult, is glued to it, and he/she becomes completely oblivious to the surroundings.

There are certain safe kids' cartoons and other programmes that are slow paced, and educative. The fast paced cartoons are not good for the brain development of the kids, even according to the American Pediatrics Association. Apart from these, we can also give them better alternatives that will educate them in their dheen, in a fun way. Alhamdulillah, for this, we have videos of Prophets' stories and other stories that teach Islamic mannerisms and morals. Even this practice should not be one where the kids are passively involved. We should sit with them, and discuss the stories, and talk to them while they watch.

- Music attracts everybody, and therefore, it is a "shaytan" in itself. By music, I mean the music of the pop culture etc. (and I am not saying that it is haram or halal, but just giving a better alternative.) Let them listen and learn Nasheeds, and beautiful Adhkaar of Allah SWT and Rasoolullah. Sing Dhikr for them, in tunes they will enjoy.

- Involve them in the work you do at home. Get them to help you in ways that are interesting to them, every child is different, and so, there is no rule for this; we just have to find new ways with them, that will make work a play for them. Result: you get the help that is needed, they learn family values like sharing household chores, and most importantly, they are occupied.

- Take them to Aquariums, Zoos, gardens and other nature places where they can appreciate the creation of Allah SWT. Say "SubhanAllah" aloud. (Alhamdulillah, we have a better way of saying "wow"!) Let them love the animals and be fascinated by them rather than dinosaurs etc. Seriously, do not encourage them to have a fascination of dinosaurs that don't even exist, and probably never did, and is just a theory that is against Islamic teachings. (Remember its part of the evolution theory.) When taking them outdoors, these places are better than artificial man-made wonders like amusement parks etc.(not that I am against it, and inshAllah I will have to do so too as my kids get older.)

- Take them for hiking, picnics, camping etc. While camping, remind yourself and your kids that camping is what the less privileged kids do all their life. Camping can be fun once in a year or lifetime, but it sure is not fun, if it was an everyday thing. Let them be thankful for the homes they live in, alhamdulillah.

All these activities might not be something new, or something only Muslims do. But what I am trying to say to myself and all others is, "Islamicize" every moment in your life, remember Our Lord Azza Wajal in everything we do, and make it a habit for our kids too. Let them really love Allah and Islam. And then let's pray for the best, and that Allah guides us and our children always.

Instill love of ibadah to The Creator in your child

All of us as parents, constantly think about the various ways in how to bring up our children to love Allah SWT and our ways of life. The Key is in being a good muslim ourselves. Children watch and observe, and grasp every action that we do. They love to, and try to imitate that we do, atleast most of the time. The way to upbringing your children in the Islamic way is, being steadfast ourselves, and adhering to Islamic teachings as much as we can. We should start preparing for this, even before our child is born, and not wait till they come of understandable age. But then again, its never too late. As soon as we realise the need to change, we should start implemeting it in our lives, and work hard towards it.

We do not have to worry about teaching our child the concept of One God, as every child is already born with that (the natural instinct of believing in One god, and the inclination to the truth and the ability to distinguish right and wrong), and as they grow older, they understand it better, and recognise the miracles of this world, and thus, will attribute it all to Allah Subhanahu Wa Tha'ala.

The Prophet Sallallahu alihiwassalam said, "No baby is born but upon Fitra (as a Muslim)." (Sahih Bukhari)

What we need to worry about is, training them to love to do good deeds and establish acts of worship. And for this, try to involve them in what we do. Tell them, "its good to do so-and-so". Believe me, they will accept it, just as simple as that. And we do not have to wait for them to turn 3 or 4 years old for this. We can start as early as 1 year old or even younger.

Some of the things we can do are:

1. Play Qur'an recitation as often as you can, at home, or in the car. Just tell them: Isn't it so beautiful to listen to this recitation? Use simple words like Qur'an is good or nice.
2. While we do salah, just tell them casually: If you want, you can stand with me, to pray. Never enforce them when they are too young, and never command or ask them, as kids always have the tendency to do the opposite just so that they will be told again and again. They just love to repeat things and things repeated to them.
3. If they get hurt, ask them after a while, if the "boo-boo" (hurt, pain) is gone, and when they say yes, say "Alhamdulillah" loudly or even "Thank you, Allah".
4. Saying "Bismillah" before eating.
5. Say duahs loudly and make them repeat it if they seem interested. Again, do not command, just offer (do you want to say the duah?)
6. When they sneeze, let them say, "Alhamdulillah" (or Abdullah, or Ahmedulillah, lol!- let's not correct them too much when they don't say it right, ultimately, they will get frustrated and will quit saying at all)
7. When someone in the family is sick, teach them to pray to Allah. Teach them to pray for all family members and themselves before going to bed, (it can be anytime, but night time is best, as that's the only time they will be little calm, and less playful and excited about other things.) Make it a routine along with the duah that we say, before going to bed.
8. Teach them to appreciate nature, not just the names. (Instead of saying, "look, that is the moon!", say,"wow, look at how nice/beautiful the moon is!")
9. Take them to the masjid as often as we can. Take them for community programs etc. Sometimes, it can be a little testing for them, as they need to behave well in such places. So promise them a reward for it. When you reward them, do not over-do it. Reward them appropraitely, with something small.

May Allah always guide us and our kids through the Sirathul Musthaqueem. May Allah increase us in Sabr (patience) to bring our children up in the way that will please Him. We should always be consistent in our actions, only then our children will acquire it from us; may Allah help us in being consistent always in our dheen. May Allah make us and our children among the righteous. Aameen....

Children are a trust from Allah SWT

In the Name of All, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.

All Praise due to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and That Muhammed is the Messenger if Allah.

Children, no doubt, are a Blessing of Allah SWT. From the time a baby is conceived, we start planning ahead for their future, and the joy that comes with its arrival has no bounds. The love for our child in our hearts is something so natural and it comes with no strings attached.

But we must remember that children are an amanah (trust) from Allah SWT, and therefore, we have certain duties and responsibilities towards them, and Allah SWT, for He is The One who blessed us with them in the first place. Allah mentions wealth and children together, many a time in the Quran. Both, wealth and children are a test to us, to test how we deal with this Blessing. Allah Azza wajal tests some people with wealth, and some without wealth. Similarly, Allah tests some people with children, and some without. We should always keep a check on ourselves that both of these do not take us farther from Our Dheen, and therefore, it is our Duty as a believer to bring our children up, in a fashion that pleases Allah SWT. It is our responsibility to give them Islamic Guidance and instill in them values of love, fear, hope, Submission, Worship of Allah SWT.

Allah says in the Qur’an:

الْمَالُ وَالْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ الْحَيَوةِ الدُّنْيَا وَالْبَـقِيَاتُ الصَّـلِحَاتُ خَيْرٌ عِندَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلاً

Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for reward and better for hope. (Surah-Al-Kahf: 46)

Children should not be an obstacle in our worship of Allah, in our strive to do righteous deeds. Instead from a very young age, we should inculcate the importance of worship of Allah, and performing good deeds. We also have a duty towards our ummah, and this is also a very important reason for moulding our children in the best way. InshAllah, we need to give to our community good muslims, so that our ummah grow stronger. While I say this, I would also like to reflect upon what I heard in a documentary of our palestinian brothers and sisters. One of the sisters said: We, the people of palestine want to give birth to more and more children so that the population of our ummah increase. And this was also the niyyah(intention) of Sahabah Radhiyallahu anhum when they were with their wives. And so should be ours. We should always make duah(supplicate) to Allah SWT in the way that Prophet Zakariyyah alihissalam did:

رَبِّ هَبْ لِى مِن لَّدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَآءِ

"O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.'' (Surah AAl Imraan: 38)

And the way Prophet Ibraheem Alihissalam invocated to Allah SWT:

رَبِّ هَبْ لِى مِنَ الصَّـلِحِينِ

"My Lord! Grant me (offspring) from the righteous.'' (Surah As-Saafaat: 100)

A duah should come along with our working towards the goal and then supplicating to Allah Azza wajal, and doing tawakkul. May Allah give us the Tawfeeque to bring our children up, the future generation of our ummah, in a way that will benefit our ummah, and us in both the worlds, aameen...