Bismillah Ar-Rahmani Ar-Raheem
Assalamualikum warahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
I haven't been here for a long time now, 4 months or more. Alhamdulillah
I think it was because writing was becoming difficult for me due to the style of writing I had opted for, in the beginning. So, now I am going to change that...here I am mainly going to ramble, or rather I write in the style that suits my mind insha Allah. I pray only good will come out of that, for myself and for readers (if any)
Plus, the guilt of whether I am implementing what I write about. Do I have the right to preach it? (Even though I was merely sharing what I learnt and not preaching anything new)
And then now...Now, I am thinking what benefit came out of that guilt and not blogging! When I used to write, I would hold myself more accountable of my actions...
Alhamdulillah, my husband and I got accepted for Ilm Summit this year. And we are preparing ourselves (more mental preparation required than just packing our stuff). I am praying that I will be able to share some of the things I learn and experiences from which I benefit or hope that others can benefit insha Allah.
Last Ilm Summit was our first time. We kind of knew what to expect from the experiences of the previous year's ilm Summitters, but experience is the best teacher. This year we hope we will do better and take more advantage of this blessing insha Allah and push ourselves to greater goals. For example, last year I was not able to attend the tajweed sessions after fajr as my kids would be sleeping in the room (and I would also sleep). This year, insha Allah I plan to pack a baby monitor. And even if that doesn't work out, insha Allah I hope Shaykh Uthman (from Shatibiyyah institute) will attend this year too, and that I will be able to recite to him so that he can critique my tajweed and teach me.
Another thing I want to do better this year insha Allah is sharing what we learn with others. And blogging will help insha Allah. For me, if I know I need to share or teach someone else what I learn, then I listen better. Last year, our Shuyookh stressed so much on teaching others what we learn. The image of Sh yasir telling it still rings in my head. One may feel he/ she is not knowledgeable enough to teach, but everyone can be a mere conveyer of what someone else just told you. And in order to do so with ihsaan, record and document well.
My biggest question- my kids! They are ofcourse, coming with us insha Allah, and we don't have a baby sitter yet. It is so difficult to find a good one local in Houston when we are here. (Anyone reading this and have any leads on this, please let me know. Jazakum Allahu kahyr!) last year, we had a wonderful baby sitter alhamdulillah, may Allah reward her abundantly- I still make dua' for her. I don't think she will be able to baby sit this year, plus now that my kids are older, I hope we can get someone who can teach-and-play with more activities and crafts etc. I pray Shaykh Yasir and Br Haytham will arrange atleast a room for baby sitting so that our kids won't be confined to the hotel room all day insha Allah. May Allah make it easy for us and our kids. I really don't want to waste their time while we enjoy!
Even though I said "my biggest question" above, that is not the "A Big Question!" mentioned in the title of this post. The real big question is: have I changed after my first ilm Summit experience? Ilm Summit is supposed to be the life-changing event in many people's lives- but have I nurtured the seed that we all had sown last year and watered it and taken care of the flower buds that I had envisioned? Well, I don't want to be pessimistic about myself (even though deep inside, I am not happy with myself), so I look ahead at the future insha Allah and hope to really learn from my mistakes. May Allah guide me always and increase me and all of you, aameen!